Ha, ha, ha!
Monday, June 20, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Folf This Way
Well, today I went folfing on a pretty heavy hang over. It had just rained, the course was moist and cool, there were only two other groups of people there, and I had what I think was my longest drive to date with a Champion Teebird! It reminded me of a little column I wrote for my high school newspaper a couple of years ago:
'There are about 45 minutes of light left in the day. A teenage boy stands alone in the forest as a gentle breeze cools the warm skin of his face.
He stares down a long, open clearing at a chest-high post sticking up from the ground about 100 yards away. His eyes hold their focus point as he begins to regulate his breathing and get ready for the throw.
A Killdeer trills in the background. The youth involuntarily ponders the meaning of life.
He takes a few steps forward while he smoothly pulls his left arm back to about his right shoulder, and then thrusts his arm and upper body forward, releasing the disc. Pfffffffff. He watches the disc soar towards the post at about 40 mph. It's a straight shot, very low to the ground. He instantly hopes that the disc doesn't veer right before it gets to the post. It's heading right for it! He grits his teeth and murmurs "Come on, come on, hit that," anticipating the next three seconds. The disc drops and skids across the ground directly toward the post. Thirty feet... twenty.... ten... five - and then... Pinnggg! The disc hits a lone 24-ounce Bud Light can and ricochets to the left about 15 degrees to miss the post by about six inches.
The boy falls to his knees. He finds it ironic that a good-willed, non-littering, environmentally conscious person like himself must suffer at the hands of careless folf drunkards, yet he knows that this incident is a perfect example of how the world often is.
Stopped dead in his tracks by the unfortunate mishap, the boy is pulled back into reality.
He turns his head in both directions and looks at the forest around him; at the dented, stripped, folf disc-hammered trees; at the litter - candy and granola bar wrappers, cigarette butts, crushed and uncrushed beer cans, bottles, shattered glass - scattered all around him; at his disc, inches from the post. He hears the screeching tires of some vehicle in the parking lot hundreds of yards away. "Quite the world we live in," he says out loud to himself.
Actually poor boy, it isn't the world we live in. It's the people that live in it. The people that bring their beer up to the Pattee Canyon Folf Course, drink it while enjoying a quality game of folf and leave their empties scattered and shattered across the course. It's the people who are too stupid to see any problem with littering wherever and whenever they please. And it's the people who are going to regret their carelessness when they are living in a never-ending dump forty years from now.
On a lighter note - the 24-ounce Bud Light can-in-one story is purely fictional. But the vandalized, trash-scattered Pattee Canyon Folf Course was a disgusting reality until about two weeks ago when it morphed into a success story.
Recently, some decent people have begun carrying large, black trash bags with them every time they folf. They have successfully cleaned up a huge amount of trash from the course, and have recreated an enjoyable folfing environment. Along with trash cleanup, the course has also been improved by two Hellgate seniors who gave the entire course new posts surrounded by wood chips.
Folf is a great sport held dear to many of us. So please, don't leave your trash on the course and please don't stand on, sit on, or try to loosen the new posts in any way.'
'There are about 45 minutes of light left in the day. A teenage boy stands alone in the forest as a gentle breeze cools the warm skin of his face.
He stares down a long, open clearing at a chest-high post sticking up from the ground about 100 yards away. His eyes hold their focus point as he begins to regulate his breathing and get ready for the throw.
A Killdeer trills in the background. The youth involuntarily ponders the meaning of life.
He takes a few steps forward while he smoothly pulls his left arm back to about his right shoulder, and then thrusts his arm and upper body forward, releasing the disc. Pfffffffff. He watches the disc soar towards the post at about 40 mph. It's a straight shot, very low to the ground. He instantly hopes that the disc doesn't veer right before it gets to the post. It's heading right for it! He grits his teeth and murmurs "Come on, come on, hit that," anticipating the next three seconds. The disc drops and skids across the ground directly toward the post. Thirty feet... twenty.... ten... five - and then... Pinnggg! The disc hits a lone 24-ounce Bud Light can and ricochets to the left about 15 degrees to miss the post by about six inches.
The boy falls to his knees. He finds it ironic that a good-willed, non-littering, environmentally conscious person like himself must suffer at the hands of careless folf drunkards, yet he knows that this incident is a perfect example of how the world often is.
Stopped dead in his tracks by the unfortunate mishap, the boy is pulled back into reality.
He turns his head in both directions and looks at the forest around him; at the dented, stripped, folf disc-hammered trees; at the litter - candy and granola bar wrappers, cigarette butts, crushed and uncrushed beer cans, bottles, shattered glass - scattered all around him; at his disc, inches from the post. He hears the screeching tires of some vehicle in the parking lot hundreds of yards away. "Quite the world we live in," he says out loud to himself.
Actually poor boy, it isn't the world we live in. It's the people that live in it. The people that bring their beer up to the Pattee Canyon Folf Course, drink it while enjoying a quality game of folf and leave their empties scattered and shattered across the course. It's the people who are too stupid to see any problem with littering wherever and whenever they please. And it's the people who are going to regret their carelessness when they are living in a never-ending dump forty years from now.
On a lighter note - the 24-ounce Bud Light can-in-one story is purely fictional. But the vandalized, trash-scattered Pattee Canyon Folf Course was a disgusting reality until about two weeks ago when it morphed into a success story.
Recently, some decent people have begun carrying large, black trash bags with them every time they folf. They have successfully cleaned up a huge amount of trash from the course, and have recreated an enjoyable folfing environment. Along with trash cleanup, the course has also been improved by two Hellgate seniors who gave the entire course new posts surrounded by wood chips.
Folf is a great sport held dear to many of us. So please, don't leave your trash on the course and please don't stand on, sit on, or try to loosen the new posts in any way.'
Friday, June 17, 2005
For the Kiddies
What do you think about cat food?
For me it just makes me feel good,
The taste is so tasty,
And the waste is so pasty,
That I like it better than hamburgers!
I like the brown shade,
Which is organically made,
And I like the soft crunch,
It tastes better than punch,
And I hear it is healthier than hamburgers!
For me it just makes me feel good,
The taste is so tasty,
And the waste is so pasty,
That I like it better than hamburgers!
I like the brown shade,
Which is organically made,
And I like the soft crunch,
It tastes better than punch,
And I hear it is healthier than hamburgers!
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